It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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