Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
