Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
