I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He felt like a one man threesome
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
