:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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