the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
