My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
