The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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