So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
