I didn't shave. On purpose
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
