Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
whose parrot is this?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
