you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
