I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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