oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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