So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
