Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
