Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
