Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't trust your balls anymore.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
