a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
