I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
