Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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