just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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