I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish my penis had an off switch
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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