now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
