He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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