he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
