even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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