Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
