She is in my trunk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
