i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
