put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
