i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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