Heybabeimwearingurpanties
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we should paint friendship bongs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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