morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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