Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
