It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
