I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
