JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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