If that was your dad, he is hot
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
