What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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