I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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