Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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