she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
