Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
