I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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