Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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