I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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