high people should be assigned attendants
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
