I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
