Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
