everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
