Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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